Reasons
by Sushihiro
Summary: Freddie proposes to Sam. Somehow they end up talking about motorcycles instead. Kissaversary fic.


Freddie was anything if not a patient man, but after minutes of her uncharacteristic silence, he was starting to feel mildly anxious.

 _What if she says no?_ The thought had crossed his mind briefly, but he'd shoved it out of the way and instead focused on Sam's reaction. Even in his nervousness, Freddie couldn't help but notice how beautifully stunned she looked gaping slightly at the ring in the box, completely frozen with her eyes wide in surprise. Freddie had the urge to tuck away the loose strand of curly blonde hair which had fallen out of her messy bun, but that would require getting up out of his kneeling position- a thought which he suddenly felt the need to do as his lower body was starting to painfully tense up from being on the ground for so long.

"Sam?" He brought her back to reality with as much gentleness in his voice as he could muster, though neither of them missed the way her name quivered on his lips.

Still she said nothing, apparently mesmerized by the entire situation. She bit her lip, tilting her head to the side as if expecting the ring to dematerialize before her very eyes. The ring was quite a sight to behold, with its raw aquamarine stone shining within the confines of the gold band which enclosed it like a vine. Freddie had thought it was 'Perfectly Sam' from the moment he had laid eyes on it.

Even in her daze, Sam thought of how it bore absolutely no resemblance at all to the ring he had given Carly many years prior. If she wasn't so stunned, she would have been pleased. Her own ring had character and was uniquely beautiful compared to Carly's, which had been a traditional diamond.

However, at the moment Sam found that she was unable to feel any emotion at all. In fact, the only thing she truly felt was sickness. She grasped onto the edge of the dining room table nearby before slowly sinking into one of the chairs, closing her eyes against the sudden bout of nausea that had overtaken her.

She could feel that Freddie was no longer kneeling, but was instead standing, having gotten out of his position in order to help her into the chair.

"Are you alright?" Freddie was now concerned.

"I just need a minute…"

After what felt like more than two minutes, Sam still hadn't moved. She was still bent over into her lap, her face pressed into her hands. Freddie noticed the way her hands trembled against her cheeks and a feeling of dread quickly passed over him.

He hadn't anticipated a refusal, and yet one seemed inevitable. After all it had taken Sam months to even admit they were dating and he never pushed her into saying so until she was ready. It's Sam, he reasoned. That's who she is.

But what if she wasn't ready to be married?

Freddie found himself doubting his own judgement as his mind raced over the evening's events.

Just a mere two hours ago, he had been on cloud nine. It was their anniversary today, which had given Freddie the perfect excuse to plan the proposal without making his girlfriend suspicious. The two of them had spent the evening having dinner at a restaurant much too expensive for them to afford, buying the priciest meal on the menu and drinking way too much wine. They had laughed so giddily, Freddie was sure that looking back it must have been a miracle they weren't kicked out of the restaurant. Sam had made him smile harder than anyone ever had in all his life just in this one short evening that he hadn't even felt nervous throughout the dinner, knowing he was going to propose to Sam soon.

He had been certain that she would accept him then.

Freddie was suddenly felt relieved that he hadn't proposed to Sam in public like he had originally wanted to. He had changed his mind at the last moment and decided to do it in private, figuring it was more Sam's style that way. The privacy and familiarity of their apartment had seemed like a better place at the time, but now Freddie was beginning to find their intricately decorated and usually cozy den strangely cold and uncomfortable.

Sam suddenly looked up at him, hands no longer shaking. She had a determined look in her eye. Freddie knew that look. She was going to refuse him.

"Freddie, I-" She began.

"Just think about some more, Sam," Freddie found himself kneeling again before he could stop himself, the ring wedged between his thumb and forefinger. "Spencer could walk you down the aisle...I'm sure he'd say yes if you asked…" he said hurriedly, missing the deeply melancholic expression which crossed her features at Spencer's name.

Perhaps under different circumstances, Sam would have laughed at the pure irony of his words. She thought of having Spencer, the one person who had always thought she was a good person giving her away to the person who it seemed had needed a magnifying glass to appreciate her good qualities years down the line.

When she opened her mouth to speak, he found himself cutting her off desperately again.

"Just imagine what it'd be like," he said nervously. "Once we've sold all the junk we have in storage we could move to that house you've been eyeing."

They had always joked about buying that small Victorian house in Hartfield Lane and refurbishing it. Freddie didn't dare to picture, even at this moment on bended knee with a ring in his hand, that Sam would be with him in that beautiful robin-egg blue house with it's chipping paint on it's trim surrounded by a white picket fence. He scarcely let himself envision the pair of them on the front porch with potted plants blooming in every corner and a house full of children shrieking playfully in the background with her fingers intertwined with his.

Freddie began to panic when he realized he had run out of things to say. The ball was entirely in her court now.

"I don't want to sell my old motorcycle," Sam finally blurted out after several minutes of silence.

Freddie's brow furrowed at the sudden subject change. He paused, gathering his thoughts quickly.

He tried to come up with something to say, but settled with a puzzled "What?"

"You said we should get rid of our clutter so we can move to that house...I don't want to get rid of my motorcycle," She said with determination in her voice.

Freddie began to feel hopeful again. She hadn't outright rejected him. Not yet anyway. He decided to keep their conversation off of the proposal for a moment to give Sam as much time to consider as possible.

"But we agreed we would offer it to my old college buddy...what was his name…the one who used to fix up old motorcycles?" Freddie frowned. He wasn't at all opposed to Sam keeping the motorcycle, but he was becoming increasingly curious about why she was bringing that up now.

"Does it bother you that I want to keep it?" She asked defiantly, and despite everything Freddie's heart leapt at the adamant sparkle in her eye.

"Of course not," he paused, and feeling foolish for continuing to kneel, he closed the ring box and stood.

"I doubt Carly would be offended if you decided to sell it," Freddie said.

Freddie didn't miss the bitterness that saturated her voice when she insisted coldly, "This isn't about _Carly_."

"What then?" He pressed gently, knowing that if he pushed too far then the conversation could easily evolve into bickering between the two of them as had always been the case since before they had started dating.

"I just don't want to sell it anymore," She said carefully.

"Because you're going to fix it up yourself and use it or because it's from Spencer?" He questioned, beginning to suspect that her attachment to the motor vehicle was due to her growing bond with the older man rather than her friendship with Carly.

Freddie knew that Sam had grown even closer to Spencer during Carly's time in Italy and had occasionally spent a few nights having dinner with him and his wife, Ava. He also knew that she sometimes crashed on Spencer's couch between apartment rentals back in grad school.

"Because it's _mine_ ," she said with a level of finality in her tone.

 _I don't want to sell it because it's the only thing that's ever truly belonged to me...it's mine_

"This is about Carly then," Freddie sighed, feeling frustration overcome him. "Things are different this time, Sam."

… _Because it was given to me...because someone had actually given me something because I'm good...I'm a good person…_

Sam didn't respond, but instead chose to look away. "I should go and get ready for bed, Freddie...why don't we talk about this in the morning?"

Freddie felt dread in the pit of his stomach. Her words were as good as a rejection.

"I didn't love Carly," He grabbed her hands desperately. She froze, staring at him in stunned silence.

"I meant it, Sam," Freddie breathed, feeling slightly victorious that his words seemed to capture her attention. "We were only nineteen when I proposed to her. We were only engaged for three and a half weeks for God's sake. It's been seven years."

Freddie couldn't have felt worse. How could his beautiful girlfriend ever believe that she could be second best?

 _You have a good heart...you're a good best friend...you deserve it…_

"You can't blame me for thinking it," She said, her voice giving a little tremble. "You were Carly's ex-boyfriend twice...and both times she didn't even love you. Not to mention you were her fiancé. How do I know you don't want me just because you can't have her?"

 _I always get the scraps...that's how it's always been..._

Sam Puckett didn't cry, but when she did it always broke Freddie's heart.

"I was stupid for ever proposing to her," He whispered sincerely, resisting the urge to swipe his thumb against her tears. "I didn't know what I wanted then. But I know better now. I want a life with you."

Her resolve was crumbling. Freddie could tell by the way her eyebrows furrowed, deep in thought.

Sam thought about how it things were back then. She painfully recalled how she had staunchly avoided Carly and Freddie once they had become engaged. How she had committed to being Carly's maid of honor simply because it was expected of her, and of course how she had fervently cried when Carly had texted her one day and told her the wedding was off because she was just that _relieved_ that she wouldn't have to spend the rest of her life pretending to be happy.

"I'm not the person I was back then, Sam," He assured her. "I can't change what I did, but I can promise you the rest of my life if you let me."

In that moment, all Sam could think of was just how right Spencer had been. She deserved good things because she was a good person. And she never wanted to forget that, which is why she took Freddie's hand and said, "As long as you agree that we are definitely not selling my bike."

Freddie froze. Did he dare get his hopes up?

"You're agreeing to marry me?" He said, seeking confirmation. "It's what you want? A loud and crazy old house full of noise and twenty pets and three children and chaos?" He had to be certain it was what she wanted.

He could hardly believe the sight of Sam, eyes glittering and nodding determinedly.

He removed the ring from the box and slid it on her finger in complete and utter disbelief.

"Four children," she corrected with a smile just visible enough to make Freddie' heart melt.

"Deal," he said happily, pulling her into a kiss.

He would sleep well tonight with the thought of forever in mind.

A/N: Because within the mess that was iGoodbye was that gem of a scene between Sam and Spencer. I've always wanted to write about it but was always too pissed off because it meant having to watch parts of iGoodbye again. After five years I finally mustered up the strength to do it. I'll forever hate Dan Schneider for how he wrote Seddie in the final episodes. Happy Kissaversary! Until next year!


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